Divorce Blog

Top 5 Things to Do If Divorce is Imminent

Make Copies of Everything - You need to make copies of all financial documents before the divorce begins. It is much more difficult and costly to obtain these documents through discovery procedures at a later date. Here is a list of the documents you will need:

a) Tax returns for the last three to five years
b) Bank statements - online statement s will do as well
c) Check registers
d) Investment statements
e) Retirement account statements
f) Employee benefits handbooks
g) Life insurance policies
h) Mortgage documents
i) Credit card statements
j) Wills
k) Social Security statements
l) Automobile titles
m) If your spouse is self-employed, it is important to gather as much information as possible about the finances of the business.
n) Financial data stored on your home computer

Research and Interview Family Law Attorneys - Interview family law attorneys and retain the one that best fits your needs and goals.

Inventory All Family Assets - I strongly suggest taking a video camera and making a video inventory of all assets. This not only documents each item, but it also is a visual archive of the current condition of all items. This can also be used when assessing the value of all items. At the very least, make an exhausted written inventory. Do this before you leave the house. Once you leave the home, you will need to spend money to obtain the court's permission to re-enter and your spouse can remove or hide items easily.

Know your Household Budget - Document the monthly spend for utilities, food, entertainment, etc. Go through check registers, utility bills, etc. This can help when setting alimony and temporary support orders.

Know What Your Spouse Makes - Understand exactly what your spouse earns. Also identify any earning potential (upcoming promotion, graduating school or higher education, bonuses, etc. If your spouse has a business partner, you may be able to learn how the partners are paid during a casual conversation with the partner. If your spouse is self-employed or gets paid in cash, keep track of the money flowing in for several months.

Is Your Spouse Hiding Money During Your Divorce?

Hiding money (assets) during a divorce is illegal and unethical. Never the less it's more common than you think. Both men and woman alike have and continue these tactics daily. I am in no way advocating hiding assets. I am simply documenting facts to help educate and protect.

By hiding money your spouse may be trying to lower child support and alimony payments. You and your attorney must look to uncover any hidden moneys and to prove the actual amount of money that your spouse has available.

I've listed five items below to give you a starting point for finding hidden income and assets.

1) Your spouse may defer a part of his salary until after the divorce. Look for letters, notes, or emails asking to defer income. Look at past history of your spouses earnings. If he/she is normally receives $50,000 per year in commissions and suddenly not receiving any money or a dramatic drop. Advise your attorney.

2) Some spouses receive bonuses in addition to their net pay. Look for deals where partial bonuses are paid and the other portion is put into a separate account accruing to the benefit of the employee. Bonuses can be deferred for future distribution. Look for a pattern of bonus payments in the past.

3) If your partner is suddenly, chronically short of cash, or if their weekly ATM withdrawal doubles, that could be a sign. Many stores now let you get cash back when using your debit card for purchases. Your spouse can be adding $20, $40, or more to ever purchase. Check receipts.

4) Does the mail come to your home? If not, that could be a red flag that your spouse doesn't want you to see certain incoming statements.

5) Any changes in the way family finances are handled. Did that joint savings account suddenly disappear? Was there a piece of a stock sold or got rolled over into something else?

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Divorce - Court Room Tips

When it comes to the Court Room, you will find this to be a pretty place. Once the divorce proceedings begin, the outcome of your divorce is in the hands of a total stranger - the Judge.

You no longer have control. All decisions will now be made by a stranger. Of course this stranger may be having a bad day, not feeling well, or even have had a major fight with their spouse the night before. I know it's scary and may even seem unfair, but this is the real world and it happens all the time. This judge is now in control of the outcome of your trial.

Here are a few tips to help prepare you for the Court Room experience:

1. First, I strongly recommend you try to settle as many issues as possible before entering the Court Room. This means the judge won't be in control of everything.
2. Do not expect the Judge will always make decisions in your favor. There are three directions the judge can go when making a decision: Your way, your spouse's way, or the Judge's way. As you can see, two out three are not in your favor.
3. Discuss how you should act, and when to speak with you attorney before going into the courtroom. Do not speak unless asked to do so by the Judge.
4. When addressing the Judge with respect by addressing him/her as "Your Honor."
5. Never speak to or make comments to your spouse when you are before the Judge.
6. Leave all hostile and negative emotions at the door. Do not make faces or gestures when the judge or your spouse's attorney is speaking. Judges see this and do not appreciate it.
7. Dress for success. Your attorney will have a certain strategy on how he/she wants you to be portrayed. Therefore, consult your attorney on how he/she wants you to dress.
8. Take notes. Don't leave anything to chance. Your attorney will be very busy during the process and cannot remember or write everything down.
9. Be prepared and stay organized. Bring as much information, documentation and any pertinent documents that you possibly can with you. It is better to have too much ammunition than not enough.
10. Be prepared to be in the court house for some time. You will sometimes wait for hours before your case is called.

Divorce - Dividing Up the Money

Probably one of the toughest parts to any divorce is the emotional trap that revolves around money. Depending on your situation, you may have to part with a hefty chunk of your savings, investments, retirement fund, and pension.

For the most part, martial assets will be divided equally by the courts. The key word here was 'marital'. That means any funds that you have put into a joint account become marital. If you make $100,000 a year and your spouse does not work, the money you put into a joint account becomes both of yours. It gets divided equally. Doesn't sound fair, does it? The same holds true for your 401K plan. In my case, I had one, she did not. Now she's got half of mine.

I urge you to remember the fact that it's only money. We've all heard the old proverb that 'money makes people do crazy things'. Here's crazy for you, how about paying your attorney thousands of dollars to fight your spouse for the same amount. Many people get wrapped up in the money and forget to think straight. Chances are you will be required to divide your assets equally, so don't waste any more money fighting over things that will be out of your control anyway. Also remember the longer it takes to finalize your divorce, the more money you need to pay your attorney. My divorce went for over five years and over thirty-two thousand dollars to my attorney. I'm guessing my ex paid her attorney close to the same. Think about that, we could have put our daughter through college with the money wasted on attorney fees.

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